so... i was going to say that i've lost touch with reality the last couple days, but in fact i think i've just found a new one. one that i am rather fond of. and i am rather loving 34.

happy birthday

I hope this year brings to fruition everything you've been seeding these past couple of years.

Thank you for the amazing example of living an artful and art filled life.

have a great time on your adventure today!

I love you, sis

summer, the end of july, a time for reflection. another year older. another step along this path. i gather up everything i love and hold it close to me. i herd, just like maddie, and look at this web of life, this heartsong, this journey.

late lazy saturday afternoon

as soon as i took this picture the sun disappeared behind a huge cloud.

i was sad i couldn't take more. 

i'm still managing to do anything but draw. was just thinking i should really clean the cat litter instead of drawing. that's so sad. drawing can't be less fun then that chore!  

when i look at the blank page i think i need a nap. . . or i need to clean something . . .

i'm still trying to capture the feeling of heat. we have extra layers of fabric over the windows to block the sun...

the haze lifted. . . .for today

last night we had an awesome storm, thunder and lightening, with one of those flash down pours (i was out side for less then a minute and my little sneakers are still wet) .. . and then at somepoint in the work day today, the haze lifted and it was a beautiful.

 

i missed the point when i could be out with Quinn in the light, (the bird bath picture is from a week or so ago) but i saw these flowers with my little camera and i loved these colors, the dropped buds are so vibrant, even all wilted and i love the old school stone brooklyn side walk.  

i am often looking only at the ground when i walk around, i've never quite broken the habit.

i love your swing-dancing picture. we should be spending more time dancing. the thing i like about the discipline of photography is that our studio is the world. we're out in it.

tuesday

I haven't read about your dream yet.
Last night our brother and family came over and we made a big dinner that stretched on into the night. So far into the night that when it was insisted that we just eat the home ice cream whether it was ready or not (it was deemed that it was close enough), Tibi--lover of ice cream-- took one bite and with a look of surprise and incredible disappointment spit it out and said "I..Don't..Like..This." The ice cream scoop was a ladle.

i've been thinking about the light in our photos too. i noticed it like this before you mentioned it, "why do my pictures always look so badly lit next to Briana's?" i thought i didn't know how to use my camera yet.  (that is possible)

but this weekend, i just had a better view of the sky and the horizon and i realized it's the haziness of the air. looking at this picture you wouldn't know it was overwhelmingly hot and muggy. and up in Beacon it's not all pollution.

it's funny, the first thing i notice when i get to Portland is the feeling of the air, it's so light and clean on my skin. it's easier to breathe. but i forget how differently that makes the light look. 

i walked around someplace foreign to me yesterday. it was hot. it was strange that no one thought it was strange that i was there. sometimes it's helpful being a ordinary, not threatening looking girl. i should be a spy.

This is the person picture I was telling you about. I'd been thinking that I wanted to post images that were more universal and somehow by having a person in there it negated that. Of course, you can't see his face so I'm sort of sneaking it in there. Anyway, we both take lots of pictures of people, we document our family, we feel more comfortable behind the camera. Something I've always thought was lucky is that we're both photographers and somehow feel comfortable in front of each others lens. So there is a visual record of us, of us spontaneous or how someone else sees us, and not just through our own controlled documentation of ourselves...

i like what you said about this blog being about the discipline of daily work, and that the editing comes with the show. it inspired me to post more, without that editors eye working at such a pace.
so anyway, look i posted a photo of a person!

it is so hot and muggy here. it was hot and muggy at 4 am. I'm off to Beacon NY this morning. I'm excited to see my friends from home and get out of the city for a minute. I've decided to take Quinn, even though i lost her lens cap after the wedding.

yay! my internet is working again!
i was trying to take a picture that looked as hot as i felt. i don't think i'm there yet. plus i'm not hot now, it being in the 70s. i'll keep trying.

precious-ness

the summer before i went to Italy in 1999 i took a print making class and in it, was a guy that talked about trying to not let his art become to precious. 

i was so confused by the motivation to make art that's not precious i was offended by it. i stopped wanting to know that guy, i didn't even want to be his friend. I was so deeply in a stage of trying to find or invent my own preciousness with my art.

what amazes me about this time is how much art i made that i am still inspired by. 

because now i understand. the preciousness gets in the way. the blank page wins when the sketch book itself is what's precious.

if you're out there guy from summer printmaking cont. ed, i'm sorry. i'm gonna try your approach and let the pages get messy. not so precious. they are just pages. maybe they don't want to be blank anymore.

joyous

we had cause for celebration. 

this weekend, surrounded by the family of friends I've made in these last 5 years has fully reminded me this is my home. 

and I am grateful. 

this path i keep choosing is so odd looking from the outside. but on the inside i am walking towards more joy. more lightheartedness. I crossed the shadow of the sword. i don't want to go back. i like it here. 

cheers to my now married friends, they to, live on this side of the shadow of the sword. cheers to the community we share together. cheers to the awesome outpouring of talents among us to get them married.

and thank you for the reminder. thank you for the friendship. thank you for your bravery and thank you for the awesome example.

xoxox

i've been struck by the different qualities of light in our photographs. i've been thinking about place, and how it shapes us, our beliefs and indeed, our experience of life.
it's been a strange, beautiful, sad, sweet week.

atelier

this week, for this wedding (the one i was given Quinn for) i bought Quinn the most sexy "after five" cocktail hat. which in the world of cameras is a really good flash. 

i am thinking of taking a self portrait of Quinn with her after five hat. . . so everyone can see how lovely she is. this however, might be taking my love of objects a little too far. 

this does bring me to an observation that we have stayed with photos of our spaces and cities, the skies and sidewalks around us. all these things (or nearly all) feel to me like symbolic self portraits, but we have not photo-ed people or ourselves. was that a conscious choice? or has it just happened? 

when i first moved to new york, i used to joke that i wanted to get my life out of the phone and out of the computer. i hadn't yet created the local real live community that i am so thankful for now in my NY world. i wonder how we feel about including some (hints) of these people/communities?

fears, part 2

fears of the blank page turns into excitement at untold outcomes.

we lost beasty yesterday. so in complete disregard to our no cat pictures policy, here's one for beasty.
a bully for love, handsome, languorous and full of zen. we miss him. our laps feel so cold without him.

i'm thinking about photographs, drawings, things sent back and forth (we should start doing that), collage, books... works on paper. installation. i want to help with a dress in some way, but am not so good at the construction part... i like paper, sewn paper. or maybe tulle with paper sewn into it. i like the idea of obscured things, like childhood memories, intangible, just out of... not reach, but sight.  

maybe we can make a dress when i'm in ny in september.  something that will fit inside a suitcase.

these long summer nights make me feel timeless.

i feel some childlike idea slipping back in; the one where i can do anything. not in a superhero way (though that is always a fun fantasy) but the way of being what i want, doing what i want, not being limited. the other day, i was quoted the poet david white as saying, "if you aren't doing what your life's work is, you are doing someone elses." i feel like i've been standing in someone else's shoes. and i think it's good to walk a mile in someone else's shoes but i've walked too far. and i'm looking at my own path now.

fears, part 1

i have so many fears. i still want to make a dress about the deepest fears. sorting all these out seems difficult and yet like the most logical place to start. they seem to circle in around each other. and maybe me too.

maybe this frightened dress has lots of circles. maybe the fears have different colors. well actually, of course they have different colors. it would be silly to pretend they didn't. 

there are all the silly fears from childhood: of the dark, storm troopers, ghosts, thunder and lightening. flying plates and loud noises. 

there is the most obvious and oldest of fears, the fears about love. there are so many fears about love i could probably make a whole wardrobe of dresses. but i think instead i will keep them all in this one dress. she won't be hollow this one. she might need a big skirt with big pockets to hold them all.

today i'm scared of garrets. and the outside. i might need to be coaxed out of my room again.... it's a habit i'm trying to break.

post script: the photo above, i took when i moved into this room 2 years ago. the trees have grown past this shape and my view now is full of lush green leaves and vines. it was a fleeting heart . . . . 

summer... i'm so busy being happy, living, being with friends and active along my path to find what is next that i haven't been producing much art. taking pictures, yes, but not so good about posting them... sorry! and i'm just beginning to feel the pressure (from time to time in waves) about defining our show better and making a plan for making the work...