my head ache is gone, but i still feel restless and lost.

we all miss her.

grandma

i miss her.

home sick? or neglect?

maybe it is homesick. maybe it's just where i'm at now. but i've not felt like myself since i got back to my "new" home. my new york home. i was relieved to finally just get to new york friday night/saturday morning. but since then i've just been restless.

restless=sleepless. everything feels neglected. my cat, the drawings, this blog. . . my mind is aimless and forgetful. last night a man asked me how long i'd been in line at the grocery store, i stared at him for a moment and said, "i don't know, i was day dreaming."  and then i couldn't remember what i had been thinking about. 

is this grief? 

after our conversation about walking to normindale and revisiting that portland walk, i walked up alberta (right?) and remembered how i always loved the sidewalks in portland, completely reminds me of childhood. i love that they are dated as they are and that they keep the old dates with the new ones when they were replaced. it's like a cultural nostalgia. 

new realities or bittersweet

i've never been shy about my shock at rapid change, my habit is to study the new "transition", try to get to know it before i feel comfortable with it.

after looking forward to having you here for so long, its shocking to suddenly be heading home.

as it turns out, there's no place i'd rather be. even if all i can do is make the martini's . ..

i think i'm a little obsessed with the sky and clouds. i find i'm either looking at the sky or the ground.

there's some metaphor in there like i'm thinking of the past and the future but not looking where i'm going, isn't there?

or it could just be the sky is more friendly then tourists.

I'm also looking forward to you coming, i am excited about the dress we might make together. maybe with the map ideas. i love the map ideas.

I've been happily distracted by these other strands of life weaving away into something new. But I'm thinking about my visit, and our having time to make work together. We should plan some creativity activities, collage time... I'm excited to make stuff with you!

when we were at the gorge, everyone was looking at the view and i was taking pictures of dead trees. i love these bleached, barren trees, the linear expressiveness of their limbs.
it's been a whirlwind of a week and i do like a whirlwind.

Tuesday again . . .

apropos for yesterday . . .

saturday night before the rain started

i don't think i have any words today. today i'm images; no today i'm a jumble. emotions, thoughts, feelings, memories. a day like today makes me glad that i'm a visual artist.

my summer holiday

so i really have been drawing. (see the shoes? and part of a girl?) i really am making Actual Progress. 

but can i tell you, all this focus on drawings, just means i'm spending hours everyday thinking, 

"yes, but what do i really want?". 

to answer, i cut my hair.

needless to say, i'm not ready to go back to work.